Ambivalent

I veer between thinking I want someone to love me, and knowing that I start to suffocate if I feel tied down. Can you feel loved and not trapped? It's so easy to feel pressed down, sucked dry, more incomplete somehow because the person you're with requires every strained fiber of your being just to smile at them. Freedom is a marvelous thing.
But then I think about those times when I need a shoulder that's bigger and stronger than mine; when my body wants to be touched; when I need someone to get the door because my arms are loaded down with stuff; when I want to illuminate someone else's life because I think I've got something to share; when, in the future, I won't have anything to offer other than my love and the culmination of my experiences...Those are the times when I reach out for someone on the other side of the bed, and find the emptiness daunting.

Maybe I should focus on giving love instead of receiving it.

Palpar, by Octavio Paz

Mis manos
Abren las cortinas de tu ser
Te visten con otra desnudez
Descubren los cuerpos de tu cuerpo
Mis manos
Inventan otro cuerpo a tu cuerpo

*This is my favorite poem by Paz.
For me, it embodies passion at both its simplest and most complex.
Espero esto.

My head hurts

Ochre Still

Maybe it was the sun.
Should I shade my eyes better next time?
Or is there sufficient shelter
from those particles
which burn us up
if we take in
more than
our
allotted share?

Ochre

Sometimes, when I'm trying to sort through my emotions, colors appear in my mind. And that color seems to somehow encapsulate what I'm feeling. Right now, I'm feeling a chalky ochre color. It's shade is a rusty sense of faded, tainted things that were pretty to begin with, then somehow got discolored. It's a rusty bruise...I'm just wondering what other colors it will turn before it fades.

Brushed

Your arm brushed mine
and it felt warm; it felt right,
for a moment.
Then you moved your arm,
and the air felt a little emptier.

Seeking Completion

Why do we see people until they cease to offer us anything?
They become strangely invisible.
It must be that we seek something we've decided they can't give.

If, in my arrogance, I am seeking for someone to complete me,
I am searching for the wrong thing.
It is magnification I should hope for.
If I am not complete, then I must look inward and upward.
Only God can complete me.